This week has probably been the hardest weeks that I have had since arriving at the MTC. We, as a district, talked to our professor about how much pressure we have been feeling to teach lessons to our pescisadors (investigators). The language, the doctrine, the expectations were starting to build up and the entire district was at an all time low. We all just want to be the best missionaries that we can be but it is so hard to see any progress when we have nothing to compare to and our teachers double as investigators so they can't give us feedback on the lessons. They tell us not to worry about the language and focus on the language of the Spirit but it is so hard to keep that in perspective. If it wasn't for humor I would honestly be dying. I am having great experiences here with my district and personally, but missionary work is hard. We want so badly to be the best NOW that we have a hard time feeling successful. Our professor talked to us for a long time about how we will ALL learn the language when we get to Brazil. He said EVERYONE learns the language. "Now is the time for you study the gospel so when you can speak the language you can teach." Then the branch president, President Crosby spoke on Sunday about faith and how we must constantly choose faith over fear and doubt. He made references to learning the language and how we need to focus on: "What am i doing now, right now?" Our entire district (except one elder who feel asleep...) left that sacrament meeting feeling better and we all knew the Lord had prepared that message for us. I love these elders and sisters. I really, truly do. I had some personal thoughts of inadequacy come up this week for myself. I just didn't feel like I was progressing as a missionary in any aspect. I felt like I was kind of hitting a wall w the language, like i would never be able to learn all about the doctrine I was preparing to teach, and I felt like I was failing as a leader. I let my personal problems affect the way I was leading my district and that bothers me the most. I put myself before others, and one of the Elders in my district was having an even harder time than I was. He really needed someone to come in and help him out w his problems. The sacrament meeting helped me overcome a lot of my internal struggles and then our leadership meeting helped me want to be better. We talked about how, as leaders, we don't have time for distractions! We have SO little time, and so much to do that if we let ourselves focus on other things, we are not able to be there for our District. President Crosby said something that I will never forget: "The Lord expects a lot because YOU promised a lot." Before this life we promised to bring people the gospel and to work HARD! At times I feel like spirit Bryce didn't know what he was signing up for haha.
In closing, we lost 2 more Elders from our district so we are now down to 7 total members. 5 Elders and 2 Sisters. I love everybody. Everyone in my original room has left so now I am in the other room w the 4 other elders. I really am not a fan of sharing closet space and living space w so many people. AND i have to sleep on a top bunk again...! Yeah it is SOOOO fun to climb into bed at night when im exhausted and climb down in the morning when I am half dead... not. Not even a little bit haha. I am now onto my 3rd companion. Elder Wise. He has a really good grasp on the language and you guys he is so freaking funny. He makes THE funniest faces and we can go back and forth just laughing about this and that. Our first lesson together was AWESOME. We prepared it in just a couple of minutes and when we taught, everything just worked. It was pretty sweet. I am expecting to get my VISA in the next week or 2. Thanks for the bread! It has been amazing, the shirts were a must! I need a new alarm clock and if you guys could get a voice recorder... that would be awesome.
Eu amo voces!